The Biggest Difference Between My Two Births Wasn’t Physical
What Arthur and Eloise taught me about preparing for birth—and how they shaped the way I care for women from conception through birth.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve watched so many women welcome their babies earth-side.
Every birth is different.
Every Mother is changed.
Watching them has brought me back to my own two births and a question I’m asked often:
“What did you do differently between Arthur’s birth and Eloise’s?”
People usually expect me to talk about acupuncture.
Or strength training.
Or nutrition.
And the truth is…
On paper, not much changed.
When I was pregnant with Arthur, I was already doing many of the things I recommend to my clients:
I strength trained throughout pregnancy.
I stayed active.
I received regular acupuncture.
I ate nourishing foods.
I read the books.
Listened to the podcasts.
Took the classes.
I wanted to understand every stage of labor.
I was preparing.
Looking back, I realize I spent a lot of time preparing (only) my body.
But I hadn’t yet learned how to prepare my mind:
My heart.
My nervous system.
Or my relationship with uncertainty.
If I learned enough…
If I prepared enough…
Maybe birth would unfold the way I hoped.
Then Arthur arrived.
His birth unfolded very differently than I had imagined:
Pitocin.
Fentanyl.
An epidural.
Forceps …
I still remember realizing that things were moving in a direction I hadn’t planned.
I remember trying to hold on.
Trying to make sense of it.
Trying to stay one step ahead.
For a long time, I thought the story was about everything that happened during those hours.
Now I see it differently.
The real story was who I became afterward.
Arthur taught me surrender.
Surrender — letting go of the belief that if I just did everything right, I could control life’s biggest moments.
The years between Arthur and Eloise became some of the most transformative years of my life.
I became a Mother.
I experienced joy unlike anything I had ever known.
I also experienced grief.
Disappointment.
Healing.
Wonder.
I learned to re-trust my body again.
I deepened my relationship with Divine / Source / Mother Earth.
I learned that healing doesn’t always happen on my timeline (or any linear timeline).
I kept lifting weights.
I kept receiving acupuncture, pelvic floor PT.
But my relationship with these practices changed.
Movement wasn’t about getting back to who I was before pregnancy.
It became a way of staying connected to the woman I was becoming.
A way of showing Arthur that caring for your body is something you do for life—not for a number on a barbell or a date on a calendar.
Acupuncture stopped being about fixing something.
It became a way of listening.
I slowed down.
I spent more time outside.
More time praying.
More time in the ordinary moments that used to feel unproductive.
I became fascinated by the nervous system.
Not because I wanted to eliminate stress.
Because I wanted to understand how we build safety in ourselves.
How we build trust.
How we build resilience.
Looking back, I don’t think the greatest thing I built between pregnancies was physical strength.
It was capacity.
The capacity to sit with uncertainty without rushing to fix it.
The capacity to recover after disappointment.
The capacity to trust, listen to my body again, again.
The capacity to stay present when things didn’t go according to plan.
The capacity to speak to myself differently.
Every day, I practiced reminding myself:
I am safe. I am loved.
Not because I knew exactly how birth would unfold.
But because I trusted that whatever it asked of me, I could meet it.
That was new.
So when I became pregnant with Eloise…
I still strength trained.
I still received acupuncture.
I still prioritized protein, sleep, and recovery.
The practices looked remarkably similar.
But the woman doing them was completely different.
This time, those practices weren’t driven by trying to control birth.
They were expressions of trust.
Trust in my body.
Trust in life.
Trust that I had built the capacity to adapt.
Looking back, I don’t think Eloise’s birth started when labor began.
I think it started in the years between my pregnancies.
And that’s the part we don’t talk about enough.
Preparing for birth isn’t only about preparing the body.
It’s also about preparing the woman.
The body.
The nervous system.
The mind.
The emotions.
The spirit.
Birth asks all of them to participate.
That’s how I practice today.
Yes, we prepare physically.
We work on strength. Mobility. Recovery.
Acupuncture to support the body’s natural preparation for labor.
But I’m also listening for something else:
What story is she telling herself?
What happens when fear shows up?
Can she access safety?
Can she trust herself?
What is the voice she’ll hear when labor gets hard?
Because that’s the voice she’ll carry into motherhood, too.
I want that voice to say:
I’ve got this. I am safe. I am loved.
Not because birth will go according to plan.
But because she knows she has the capacity to meet whatever comes next.
That’s what Arthur taught me.
That’s what Eloise continues to remind me.
Together, they shaped not only the Mother I am today, but the clinician I have and continue to become.
And for both of them, I will always be grateful. They are my greatest gifts. ✨